So the wife's car has a puncture...

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by kpone, Apr 21, 2016.

  1. kpone

    kpone Moderator
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    So, I booked a spot at Mid-Devon Tyres for 8:30 on Saturday morning, and full of that glowing 'Man Cave' moment vibe, I wandered out there after me tea last evening, put on some mellow tunes, capped a beer, wondered what on earth possessed me to store the trolley jack in the loft, retrieved said trolley jack from the loft and set to fitting the hated space saver...

    Things were cool. The damn thing has held its pressure over the years,was full of road grit, but this was rapidly turning into, if not the fictitious 5 minute job, then at the worse a 20 minute one. I even found where she hid the locking wheel nut socket ( the last time I took it for a new tyre, it transpired she'd put them both with the V5 in the filing cabinet to keep them safe...). I needed an extra bit of leverage on the ratchet to undo the nuts, but I even knew exactly where the foot long length of gas pipe I kept for just such an occurrence was.

    Would the fecking wheel come off? Would it buggery. I pulled it, I wrenched it, I wriggled it, but in true alloy to steel metallurgy, it refused to move.

    I went all the way around it like a steel band drummer on meth with a rubber mallet, I wedged a piece of wood across the back and twatted it with a club hammer. Nothing.

    Very reluctantly, I sprayed Plus Gas onto the interface, cacking myself it would get in the calliper (It actually may have, but I'll drive off that bridge when I come to it) and sloped off indoors to sulk while it soaked in.

    After an hour or so I trudged back out and went through the whole thing again. Still nothing.

    Becoming despondent now and trying to come up with a plan B that didn't wreck the wheel or an accidental body panel I became aware of the slippered feet of Mrs Kpone approaching and noticed the arms folded stance of a wife about to offer advice.

    Sigh...

    "Have you sprayed it with easing fluid?"

    "Yes, but I'm having to be careful I don't get it on the brakes."

    "Try sitting on the floor with a foot on either side of the wheel and stamp your feet, left, right, left right."

    Now 30 years of marriage has taught me to always try the first suggestion. After that they get bored, adopt a 'Well, I've done all I can do' attitude and bugger off satisfied that if they can't solve it first go, it's an impossible task anyway. So, I sit on the floor, trammel the wheel from side to side until I slid back too far and had to reset. Did it one more time and 'crack', and the wheel bounced twice onto the garage floor...

    The wave of smugness... Remember the look on Mrs Doyle's face when she guessed Father Todd Unctious' name correctly...? That look...

    So credit where credit is due. She got me out of the cludgie, kudos.

    But, when she went to bed, I reached over to her iPad and opened Safari, where a Youtube of some twocker with a flat peaked baseball cap and an inordinate amount of jewellery for a mechanic was sitting beside his slammed 3 series proclaiming "So whacha do is sit on't ground 'n kick t'wheel from side t'side until it falls off".

    Hmmm.....
     
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  2. ShinySideUp

    ShinySideUp Elite Member

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    Ken,

    Ask the Mrs tomorrow to now look up on YouTube what to do about the ease all contamination in the brakes and see what the response is...........just make sure there is at least a door in between you both and you have a clear exit outside! :D
     
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  3. kpone

    kpone Moderator
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    Like the idea Craig, but I can't cook, so...
     
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  4. BoroRich

    BoroRich Elite Member

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    Hahahaha!!! I'm so chuffed you busted her, Ken.

    You'd have never heard the end of it :D
     
  5. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    You should know by now it's the result that matters not how you get to it. Good on you Mrs P. It could have been a whole lot worse if she had watched the episode of 'the Big Bang theory' when they couldn't get the wheel off the camper van.
     
  6. kpone

    kpone Moderator
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    Et tu Brute...
     
  7. SteB

    SteB Member

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    Life is googling how to do something and then watching you tube videos of somebody less skilled than you actually doing it to build up your confidence....

    If you come across this again an easier way is to put the nut/bolts back loosened one turn and lower the jack, the weigh of the car will crack it loose. If it doesn't pump the tyre up and send her to the shop for more beer!! It'll be cracked when she gets back :D
     
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