Funnies - viewers discretion advised

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Gums, Jul 22, 2011.

  1. kpone

    kpone Moderator
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    Is it me.....?

    Or does this look like Microsoft paranoia....?

    firewall.jpg
     
  2. Givover

    Givover God Like

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    The Philippine floods are getting worse. A Manila lady being interviewed on Sky TV ,has just said that water is now up to her bollocks.
     
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  3. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    I was telling Dave how my time machine experiment went drastically wrong when I went back in time & ended up inadvertently having sex with my own mother.

    "Oh s**t, so you could be your own father then?" he asked

    "Well not really, I only went back two days"
     
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  4. Barstewardsquad

    Barstewardsquad God Like

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    Missus had a major sad on this morning as apparently her jeans didn't fit and she was worried her dodgy thyroid had pushed her above size 12. Then she realised the label in the jeans said age 12, she had picked up the eldest's jean by mistake :D
     
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  5. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath.
    Answer; throw in your washing.
    We were having a laugh about this, when this big bloke tapped me on the shoulder and said "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits."
    I said "Sorry mate. Did he drown?"
    "No," he said, "he choked on a sock."
     
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  6. Nutty Tart

    Nutty Tart Well-Known Member

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  7. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    The instructions said "let the bird chill in the sink for a few hours."

    rryaaEoM.jpg
     
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  8. kpone

    kpone Moderator
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  9. AshBlade

    AshBlade Riding Goddess

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    Ha ha... "should have bought a bucket of Viagra"... Brilliant..:D
     
  10. dave d

    dave d Elite Member

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    I've got my new mobile phone, it's fantastic! State of the art Malaysian electronic engineering! Problem is I switched it into airplane mode last night, now I can't f*cking find it!
     
    #1491 dave d, Mar 15, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2014
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  11. dave d

    dave d Elite Member

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    I woke up in hospital after a bad accident with a gorgeous nurse standing over me, she said "you may not feel anything from the waist down" i said " can i feel your tits then ?"
     
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  12. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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  13. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    A woman was arrested for attacking her husband with his guitars.

    The judge asks "First offender?"

    And the woman says "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender"
     
  14. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    [​IMG]
     
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  15. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
    The structure of the wall was incorrect
    So he won ten grand with Claims Direct

    It's Raining, It's Pouring
    Of course...it's Global Warming.

    Jack and Jill went into town
    To fetch some chips and sweeties.
    Now he can't keep his heart rate down
    And she's got diabetes

    Mary had a little lamb
    It ran into a pylon.
    10,000 volts went up its arse
    And turned its wool to nylon.

    Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
    Kissed the girls and made them cry..
    When the boys came out to play
    He kissed them too cause he was gay.

    Jack and Jill
    Went up the hill
    And planned to do some kissing.
    Jack made a pass
    And grabbed her ass
    Now two of his teeth are missing.

    Mary had a little lamb
    Its fleece was white and wispy.
    Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
    And now it's black and crispy.
     
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  16. HRCTrev09

    HRCTrev09 Well-Known Member

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    I said to my lovely wife "what have I and Santa got in common?" "why I don't know" she replied "We both come once a year and fill your stockings ya tight cow"! :D
     
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  17. Lozzy

    Lozzy God Like

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  18. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    I went swimming yesterday. Whilst having a good old slash in the water, like you do. Then the life guard starting screaming at me...... It made me jump so much that I nearly fell in the pool.
     
  19. Lozzy

    Lozzy God Like

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