Sorry it was the first thing that popped into my head I had to say it lol. Never scuba dived Never parachute jumped Never shot a proper gun And if wanted bum sex with my tiny mrs I'd have it n she'd be in trouble lol
Never done a track day. (soon to be rectified) Never had a tyre last 12 months. (wear them out) Never owned a road bike that I haven't had my knee down on. Never bought a pet despite having many of them. (given them/rescued) Never been fired or unemployed since I had a paper round. Never broken a bone (dislocated a few thumbs/toes)
Never wiped my nob on the curtains. Never believed in a god Never had a 4some! Never been in jail Never wanted a shell suit Never had acupuncture Never had sex with my best mates Mum ( well, he wasn't my best mate anyway)
Ash my dear, you have just made me chuckle thinking about a 'just get her pissed she'll never know' story. My old mate Richard who I have mentioned before ( ex girl friend having his baby letter I wrote to him springs to mind) who went on holiday with a girl and before he went we had a bet, or rather he made the bet with me that by the time they got back he would have, well you know, up the wrong one. The deal was shock on. Two weeks later I rock up the airport to pick them up and out they walk with Richard sporting two black eyes, and a broken nose. What's with the face I asked? "Nothing he didn’t deserve" was what his girlfriend said. To which he gave the 'drop it look'. A couple of day later we are sitting in the pub and he explained that they had been out drinking all night and when they got back to the room they got down to some heavy drunken sex. Now’s my chance he thought to himself she will never know. I will try and put this a gently as the forum will allow but you got to get a mental picture his girlfriend on her knees face down on the bed and Richard moving himself a little higher and pushing forward into the wrong area, girlfriend instinctively jerks her head back and bang reverse head but straight onto his nose. I have to tell you it was one of those nights when you think you are never going to stop laughing, especially when I took a ten off him for a fail.
never had a ride out that I haven't wheeled or put the knee down never rode any of my road bikes on a track never flew anything bigger than a kite never done a parachute jump ( hopefully will soon ) never been to a motogp never went scuba diving never had my name in the newspaper on purpose
Never realised how much I love my kids till I stopped living with them Never got over my divorce Never stop appreciating Ling putting up with me Never had a mosquito bite that didn’t make me ill Never slept Susanna Reid (yet) Never grew up (but being a bloke I am guessing that’s a given) Never opened a bag/box of Maltesers without finishing the whole lot
Never broken a bone Never been to court Never fancied a bloke (despite my missus assertion that all men fancy David Beckham) Never taken any recreational drug that I haven't immensely enjoyed